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Marriage is a Carriage

by Yogi Bhajan published in Aquarian Times, September 2007

What is an ideal marriage? The ideal marriage is a way of life in which a husband and wife compromise to face the time and space together for the security of their own and their children’s lives. Marriage is the institution which cannot get boring, because it is a continuous hassle against time and space. How can a thing become boring when you have to exert every minute of your life keep it going?

The institution of marriage is the honest, living commitment of two individuals. It must be lived unto God, unto the last breath, through time and space, come what may. If these elements are missing, it becomes a sexual, physical, emotional relationship for temporary convenience. It is a mental prostitution. So don’t misunderstand the institution of marriage, its cause and effects.

Marriage is to lose yourself into one another. It is a process of amalgamation. If you put copper and zinc together, you’ll end up with a new alloy: brass. There is neither copper not zinc left. In the institution of marriage, two people become totally merged. They lose their basic properties and come out with a common alloy which is socially known as a married couple, with different virtues and different allocations of duties in life.

Marriage is an institution. It’s a creative institution of human consciousness. It’s a carriage of united consciousness, united happiness. It’s the highest yoga. When you get married, if you feel separate on one account, you’ll feel separate on every account. Why do our marriages break? Because we feel separated on one account and united on other accounts. That’s not the way this institution is established. We found that individual consciousness cannot help marriages.

Marriage is an institution which depends upon honoring the word. That is why the scriptures say, “Whosoever honors the word of marriage is honored in the court of the Lord.”

Marriages are organic. They have to live and grow. Marriage is an organized, clever, diplomatic hassle. The institution of marriage is a test of the total human caliber. It is the most difficult thing in the world to remain married. Husband and wife can’t be negative at the same time. When one is negative, the other is positive. You can never be still. Either you are on the way up or down. Marriage is a carriage of a united soul. Souls must join. I must understand you. You must understand me. God provide the understanding.

You can marry an equivalent caliber. You can’t marry an equivalent body. Marriage is not to a body, it is to a caliber. The majority of people suffer in marriage because they marry a body, not the caliber. You must have good caliber and equilibrium to determine what is good 50 years from now. The secret of a happy marriage - make things happen together.

Life is like a nest which must be built straw by straw. Its composition should be according to requirements, its coziness should be to the standard of delicacy of softness, its place and height should be to the standard of safety, and it must be protected by the will of Infinity.

Don’t count the deficiencies and demerits of your comrade or partner in life. Remember the merits and add as many as you can. Count your graces, you blessings, and worry not for tomorrow.

Excerpts from Relax and Rejoice: A Marriage Manual Volume. No longer in print. Copyright The Teachings of Yogi Bhajan.